The Veritable Reality of Now

Hard to believe that a year ago we were about half way through our trip around the world. It's even harder to believe we've been home for nearly six months. And, it's confusing to know that I have still not settled into a normal routine since being back. Here's my latest diagnostics on why. 

After being gone (in that I mean gone from home, family, friends, responsibility, commitment, etc.) for almost a year I find myself in a position of unprecedented opportunity and freedom. It's a position that some people never have once they are out of their twenties. I have an open door that hasn't always been open to me, and it won't stay open for long. Some people know what they want, some people figure out later in life when they can reflect on all the things they've experienced. I guess I don't have the luxury of either. All I have is that open door, and no real purpose to walk through it. 

If someone had asked me two years ago what I would do if I had a chance to take my life in any direction I wanted, I might have had an answer. Now that I'm faced with that question I find myself looking backwards. Looking for something familiar to use as a crutch. That might sound simpleminded, but it's the truth. 

As a result I find myself struggling for direction and thinking about a flurry of half-loaded thoughts and ideas. Here's a list, staggered at best of the things that may be running through my mind on any given weekday while Shanon is at work and I am not at work.

-I think I'd like to write a book. At least some stories.

-I'd like to help people in dire situations and who live in extreme poverty. Whether abroad or at home.

-Shanon and I want to save abandoned dogs and give them good lives.

-I want to make people understand why it's important to recycle, or not to shower two times a day (or every day for that matter, even though it feels good.)

-I wish politicians would be open minded to the broad scope of issues so that we could solve problems instead of drag them out. 

-I need clean air in SLC and wish there was a way to install big fans on both ends of the valley to blow out the inversion. Most of all I wish people would do small things every day that could help our air quality.

-I wish I could travel more. Anytime I want to.  

-I hate the fact that it's not what you know, but who you know. I really hate that. But then again, what do I know.

-I understand that people will always do selfish things that serve their own interests, but do I really wish I were more like that? If nothing else, just to get ahead for once?

-How on God's green planet can I move out to the sticks somewhere, live a simple life and earn a living?

-I'd like to create a business plan for a club/desert bar. I think it would be a gold-mine in SLC.

-I want to be able to build things. Out of wood, metal, paper machete, whatever. 

-I think I'll finish writing a song, and then I'll sing it out loud. Even if it's just to myself.

-I want to be a part of something meaningful. To leave my footprint on my life. It's something people regret when they get older, and I don't want that. 

-I want to have kids, but I'm too worried about my own well-being right now.

-Maybe I should help a friend see a big idea through. If they need help, I have time to help them.

-I wish I could focus on any one of the things on the above list just long enough to make one of them happen.

That's a random list. A sample really. A glimpse into the difficulty of time without reason. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that's what it is.